WORDS THAT WORK · BRAD INDUSTRIES

How to say no without feeling guilty

Customer Service, the crew member who keeps everyone happy, has said yes to four things this week that nobody should have said yes to. These words are for him. And you.

Why a small no feels so big

For a lot of people, no used to cost something. Someone went cold, or got loud. So the body treats a small no like a big risk, and yes comes out before you’ve checked whether you mean it.

What helps

Buy time. “Let me check and get back to you” is a full sentence. Then check with yourself first.
Keep it short. One reason, or none. A long explanation sounds like it’s open for debate.
Be warm about the person and clear about the thing. “I love that you asked. I can’t this time.”
Offer what you can, if you want to. A smaller yes or a later date. Only if it’s true.

Copy and paste

Plans you don’t want to go to

Thank you for inviting me! I’m going to sit this one out, but I hope it’s great.

I can’t make it Saturday. Want to grab lunch next week instead?

Favors

I can’t take that on right now. I hope it comes together.

I can’t do the whole move, but I can bring dinner Saturday night.

At work

I can’t take this on and still do the report well. Which one should come first?

I don’t have room for that this week. I could look at it on the 20th.

Family

I love you, and I’m not going to be able to host this year.

I’m not going to talk about that at dinner. Can we change the subject?

Short, by text

Can’t this time, but thank you for asking!

What Brad would send instead (don’t)

Three paragraphs of reasons. Brad believes a no has to be defended in court. It does not.
“Maybe!” when you mean no. It’s a no with a longer fuse. Brad has a stack of old maybes. Every one of them went off eventually.
Saying yes, then canceling the morning of. Brad calls this a compromise. Everyone else calls it the morning of.

If they push back

Some people will test a no. You can repeat it kindly as many times as you need: “I know. It’s still a no.” You don’t owe a new reason each time.

no is ok

Meet Customer Service Find out which Brad you have

Customer Service is the crew member behind the automatic yes. Brad has a whole page on him.