BRAD INDUSTRIES · CREW FILE · PREVENTION
Customer Service
Division of Keeping Everyone Happy
“No one is upset if everyone is happy.”
Also goes by the people pleaser, the reassurer.
Everyone’s happy. I checked. You weren’t on the list, but I’m sure you’re fine. Can I get you anything? Can I get anyone anything?
no is ok
In red crayon: the inner child. Three words or fewer. Usually right.
His file
1What he says, and what’s underneath it
- What he says
- “Sorry! My fault! Totally fine!”
- What he means
- I need to know we’re okay.
- The feeling under that
- Uneasy until everyone is okay. Guilty for needing anything at all.
- The need under that
- To know we’re okay even when I’m not being useful.
Brad only ever says the top line. Everything under it is what he’s guarding.
2How to spot him
- Apologizes for things that aren’t their fault.
- Can’t relax if someone in the room is quiet.
- Says yes, then resents it later.
- Fixes the problem before anyone asks.
3Who he’s protecting
- He’s protecting
- The part of you that only felt safe when everyone else was happy.
- On duty against
- Anyone being upset with you.
- Where he got the job
- Brads like yours usually get hired when keeping everyone happy was how you stayed safe.
4His real talent
- What he’s good at
- Warmth. People feel welcome around him.
- Off duty, he’s
- A host who throws the party and actually enjoys it.
- His blind spot
- Everyone’s taken care of except you, and he forgot to check.
5What helps him stand down
- What he needs from you
- Say no to one small thing. Let him watch everyone live through it.
- Say this to him
- “We’re okay. You don’t have to fix this by yourself.”
- Skip this
- “Ugh. Stop apologizing.”
- Ask him this
- “What do you think happens if someone is upset with me?”
- Ask your people for
- To hear “we’re okay” before the problem gets solved.
Try this tonight
Before your next yes, say “Let me check and get back to you.” Then check with yourself first.
CLEAR is 14 days of small skills like this. Join the waitlist
Your Brad, meet theirs
One file covers one Brad. Most of the trouble happens between two. Take the quiz with a partner, friend, family member or coworker, and Brad writes the joint report: the loop your two Brads get stuck in, and the words that work.