BRAD INDUSTRIES · CREW FILE · PREVENTION
The Fire Marshal
Division of Exits
“Leave first. Leave clean.”
Also goes by the avoider, the escape planner.
I know where every exit is, including the ones out of relationships. I’d rather we leave than get left. I’ve kept the exit signs lit for years. The bulbs are not cheap.
i’m staying
In red crayon: the inner child. Three words or fewer. Usually right.
His file
1What he says, and what’s underneath it
- What he says
- “Maybe this isn’t working.”
- What he means
- I’m scared you’ll leave, so I’m practicing.
- The feeling under that
- Panic wearing a calm face. Already grieving something that hasn’t ended.
- The need under that
- To be chosen again, especially in the hard part.
Brad only ever says the top line. Everything under it is what he’s guarding.
2How to spot him
- Pulls away right when things get good.
- Knows the way out of most rooms.
- Ends fights by leaving the room, or the relationship.
- Tests people to see if they’ll stay.
3Who he’s protecting
- He’s protecting
- The part of you that got left.
- On duty against
- Being left.
- Where he got the job
- Brads like yours usually get hired when someone left without warning.
4His real talent
- What he’s good at
- He spots real danger fast, and he’s ready to move.
- Off duty, he’s
- A scout. He finds the good places to stay.
- His blind spot
- He can’t tell a pause from a goodbye.
5What helps him stand down
- What he needs from you
- Stay one minute longer than he wants. Then one more.
- Say this to him
- “I’m not going anywhere. Let’s take ten minutes and come back.”
- Skip this
- “Fine. Leave, then.”
- Ask him this
- “What would you need to see to believe they’ll stay?”
- Ask your people for
- Proof you’re staying, especially in the middle of a fight.
Try this tonight
When you feel the pull to leave, stay two more minutes and find one thing in the room you like.
CLEAR is 14 days of small skills like this. Join the waitlist
Your Brad, meet theirs
One file covers one Brad. Most of the trouble happens between two. Take the quiz with a partner, friend, family member or coworker, and Brad writes the joint report: the loop your two Brads get stuck in, and the words that work.